Going Out Of My Way For Your Comfort -or- I Wasn’t Doing Anything Officer!

We all have our little quirks. Some more apparent than others. Some are more abundant than others and then there are some that are downright inappropriate, transcending illegal. But in the end, they make us who we are.

Now, I’m not perfect by any sense of the word but I do go out of my way at times to make others feel comfortable. Sometimes I go too far out of my way and my OCD kicks in, takes over and the KD Mack you know ceases to exist, albeit briefly.

When I’m at the barber shop getting my hairs clipped, I habitually keep my hands from slipping underneath the sheet. This is solely for the comfort of my hair stylist who is almost always female. I want her to see where my hands are at ALL times. I’m trying to let her know, speaking unspoken words, “I’m not a pervert.” Do I really have to do that? No, but quirks are what they are. Continue reading Going Out Of My Way For Your Comfort -or- I Wasn’t Doing Anything Officer!

That Samuel L. Jackson Guy -or- Girl Advice From Nick Fury

Curtain opens, we fade in. I’m sitting in a classroom as I write this listening to my partner yammer on to kids about the evils of Social Media. I’m not listening. I’m typing…

Your’s truly and Geena Davis’ makeup gal, Tricia Sawyer.

Strike the harp and we flashback to April 1996! It’s an overcast day. There are still patches of wet snow on the ground. Evidently, Spring has sprung.

I’m working on set, just over halfway through making a horrible movie called “The Long Kiss Goodnight” (sorry, I needed the money). I’m the on-set-production assistant. Not a very glorious title but it was one of the best times I’d ever have working in the film and TV biz. My job was to deliver mail, scripts, and everything else under the sun to the cast and crew working on set. Continue reading That Samuel L. Jackson Guy -or- Girl Advice From Nick Fury

Welcome To Your 40’s -or- Out With Gout 2016

It’s a widely-known fact amongst my family and friends that I like scotch. OK, I don’t just “like” scotch, I LOVE scotch. My father-in-law is from Glasgow, Scotland and he’s responsible for introducing me to the sauce. “Johnnie Walker Gold Reserve” is my fave in case any of you are looking for that perfect gift for me. Or “Blue Label” if you wanna pool together the population of a small country to get me a bottle.

Among my list of guilty pleasures is shrimp. Well, most seafood really. Being from Nova Scotia I consider myself a connoisseur of such delicacies. Then there’s red meat. Oh, and I can’t forget the Tryptophan Express: turkey with LOTS of gravy. Love that stuff!!

Now, having said all that, research has proven that all the above contributes to a wonderful disease known as gout. What is “gout” you ask? By definition… Continue reading Welcome To Your 40’s -or- Out With Gout 2016

Goodbye Laureen -or- Dear God: Stop Picking Flowers From The Wrong Garden!

I’m 46 years old. I realize that I’m at the point where life is beginning to take away more than it gives. I’m not throwing in the towel or breaking from my usual “glass is half full” attitude, I’m just saying that this is simply how it is.

A couple of months ago I lost a friend (cause of death never disclosed to me). We had worked together on a television series in the late nineties. While I was coordinating the story department he was coordinating the music department. He was the music supervisor on the show whose job was pretty much just sitting in his office playing music all day until he found a few tracks he thought would work on whatever episode we were shooting at the time. How cool is that?!

I had lost touch with him afterward but found him on Facebook several years later. We exchanged comments and “likes” for a few months and then I read a post on his page from his cousin stating he’d died. I had no idea if he was ill or what the hell was going on. All I knew is that he was gone. Just like that. Continue reading Goodbye Laureen -or- Dear God: Stop Picking Flowers From The Wrong Garden!

Just Do It! – or- Happy Flip’n New Years!

This is my first day back to my day job since December 10th of last year. Needless to say, life has been a little easier during the past three weeks. But reality is rocking me back and forth, and she’s telling me it’s time to wake up. Unfortunately, I can’t tell her to go screw herself. Can’t afford to do that just yet.

If you’re like me, you start off each new year saying to yourself, “This is the year I’m going to do it!” Of course, “do it” can mean a lot of things. But for me it means coming up with an idea that will allow me to leave my mark on the world. Something to be remembered by (hopefully something good). But as the days roll by it ends up meaning less about any creative endeavours and more about fixing something in the house like a leaky faucet or that loose spindle on the staircase. Every year I say the say damn thing and how far do I really get? Well, the world still has no clue who I am and the spindle on my staircase is still loose. There ya go. Continue reading Just Do It! – or- Happy Flip’n New Years!

So Long 2015!!

Well, so long 2015! I’d like to say this was a banner year for me. I’d like to say this was even a great year but I can’t. Although I’m usually a “glass is half full” kinda guy, I’m breaking with tradition and basically saying that this year sucked ass. It’s OK, I’m cool with this. Usually I put my patented optimistic spin on year end posts but not this time. 2015 was a real bitch!

One thing about reaching mid-life is that by now you’ve figured a few things out. Mainly, you know who you are. If you haven’t figured that out by this point then you need to do some serious soul searching my friend.

Throughout much of my life I wanted to have a bodybuilder’s physique. I don’t mean Arnold Schwarzenegger-size, just really super lean and muscly. Prior to my wife and I having children six years ago I exercised fairly regularly over a good part of my life. I had the metabolism of a race horse and I could run a million miles without a fuss. No clue how much I could bench. I never really cared about that. But now at 46 I know that I will never have the body I sought after so eagerly all those years ago. I won’t say I became complacent but I definitely accept myself the way I am. I know that I don’t need that body. I don’t want it now. The Internet is full of people showing off their muscly bodies to “inspire” others. I don’t need to join those ranks. And not to wave any flags but my body ain’t too shabby if you know what I mean. I’ve reaped the health benefits in mid-life of exercising regularly earlier on and keeping up with it. Continue reading So Long 2015!!

The official website of humorist KD Mack… I apologize in advance.