Drove over a chipmunk today. Flattened him! What’s worse I was driving a police car. People looked at me like I was supposed to stop and give it CPR.
Out of respect, and to cover up some feelings of guilt, my partner Tony and I gave it a back story:
His name was “Chippy”. His parents died when he was at the tender age of three. He was raised by his father’s mistress “Claire” but ostracized in his early teens because he refused to learn the French horn.
Chippy had just gotten news earlier today that he was successful in his bid for employment at the Hormel Corporation (the manufacturers of “Skippy” peanut butter). In his excitement, he ran home to tell his wife and eight children the news when fate caught up with him. A fraction of a second before his demise he could be heard yelling, “I regret nothing!”
Goodbye Chippy. We hardly knew you and still, you’ll be missed.