I’m sitting in bed nursing the worst cold of my life. It’s day 6 and my symptoms haven’t changed. I feel like I’m walking through a thick fog wearing ice skates. I can’t stand on skates! Luckily “Silence of the Lambs” is on and my iPad is fully charged so despite hacking up pieces of lung and blowing a third of my brain into Kleenex, I’m pretty comfortable.

I used to take pride in the fact that I never called in sick to work in my life. I royally screwed that record this year. This is the third time I’ve had to take a sick day due to this frick’n cold. I even broke down and went to the doctor just to have her tell me what I already knew… Sinus infection. It can last up to ten days. Oh joy! Got some drugs (I hate taking drugs for anything) and I’m planning on staying in this bed until morning… or until I have to pee, whichever comes first.

I’m such a suck when I’m sick! Poor me.

I don’t know if it’s because I’ve finally hit my forties or is it some other explanation I haven’t come across yet but something’s changed. Over the past seven months that I’ve been forty I’ve really enjoyed myself. I don’t feel any older than I did when I was thirty but one thing I have noticed is that I don’t have the same interests as I did ten years ago. Back then I was living downtown Toronto, kicking back at the bars with friends, living paycheck to paycheck. Life was good. But it’s not that life isn’t still good now, it’s just different.

I’m still the same person with a few improvements here and there in regards to what I know now that I might not have known then. I’m making more money, I’m more aware of my overall health and I have a better sense of time and what I mean by that is I’m much more conscious now of time and when I’m wasting it.

I’m a cartoonist. Or at least I used to be. I don’t think a cartoonist can call himself that when he doesn’t draw cartoons. Since our first child was born in March of 2009 I’ve really had a hard time wrapping my head around much else than being a dad. Sure I’ve still had lots of Me time but I haven’t used that time as effectively as I should. Don’t get me wrong, my daughter has been the most wonderful distraction but she really isn’t to blame for my creative impotence.

Like millions of people around the world I spend time surfing mindlessly on the Internet. I’m a news junky for the most part. I steer clear of Hollywood gossip and anything TV related but I frequent CNN.com and drudgereport.com on a daily basis as well as a number of other sites. I’m not big on social media but I do have a Facebook account and that’s where I spend most of my Internet time. But is it really worth it?

I have about 565 people on my “friends” list. I might interact with 12 of those people regularly. Initially I thought having a Facebook account would be a great way to keep in touch and rekindle lost relationships with old friends from back in the day. And for a while it worked. But it’s common to grow apart and no longer having things in common with people you once knew.

Facebook was great while it lasted but for me it’s becoming a nonsensical arena of wasted time. Don’t take this personally cuz I mean that the interacting is great but I find I do more perusing than commenting and so often I find myself asking “why the hell am I even looking at this?” It’s become almost painful when I look at the clock and realize that I just lost 2 or 3 hours of my life to a mindless activity when I could have created some pretty cool artwork that might just bring a few extra $$$.

This isn’t just a flash in the pan thought that struck me this morning. I’ve done some soul searching and had a long thought on the matter. I’m forty years old and if I’m to make any semblance of a breakthrough as a cartoonist I really need to focus. I’ve been distracted for far too long and things like Facebook keep me from doing those things that are truly important to me.

Again don’t take this personally. I value my friends and the relationships we have but I’m getting older and I’m no where closer to becoming an established cartoonist now than I was twenty years ago. I don’t have the luxury of time anymore and it’s about time that I grow up and get to work.

I don’t want this to sound like a Dear John letter so just know that you can always find me here on my website or at doug@smartzombie.com. Maybe once I do get established I’ll revisit Facebook but until then I have a lot of work to do and I really need to focus and exercise discipline.

I’ve always considered myself a responsible person. Even as a teenager I had some sense of what was important as far as making a good decision. In fact I can say without exaggeration that I put other’s needs before more my own almost on a regular basis. It’s the way I am.

Last March, as many of you know, I became a first time father to a beautiful little girl. She quite literally changed my life and I can tell you how excited I am when I think of how the best days of my life are still ahead of me. Hands down her needs come first over any other aspect of my life. Anything I want comes second without a thought otherwise.

My wife said to me today that she had only now read a blog entry from last year around the time my daughter was born. She had noted a part of the blog where I mentioned the changes I was experiencing including the ease I found in giving up my material desires at the time. All I wanted was to be with my new daughter. But time passes and you find that certain points of view you had during highly emotional moments tend to, well… change a bit.

My daughter is now 13 months old and a very happy, chatty little girl. I’m still, and always will be, head over heels crazy about this kid but now that I feel more confident about my new found fatherhood I find my thoughts straying back to some old material wants/desires.

What’s occupying my thoughts recently? A 2010 yellow Camaro. I’ve come to the realization that the mid-life crisis is not only the real deal but it’s happening to me as I sit here hammering this entry out on my iPad. I’m 40 years old and I always put the needs of others before my own. Now, let’s just hypothetically maneuver into the position where for once in my life I put my needs ahead of anyone else’s. OK, OK, my “desires”! Afterall, who really “needs” a 426 horse powered muscle car?… I do.

My wife and I just purchased a stunning 3000 square foot house which we’ll move into at the end of June. Being that it’s over three times the size of the one we’re in right now we gotta lotta furniture to buy. Fortunately we made out like bandits on the sale of our current home. This’ll allow us to not only furnish the entire new house, but we’ll have enough left over to wipe out all of our debt. It’s really a dream come true. And what’s better than paying off your debt that immediately going right back into it?! Yeah that does sound really irresponsible when I put it that way.

Being debt free and freeing up the cash-flow doesn’t mean I’m gonna go out tomorrow lay it all down on a new Camaro. I still have to remember I’ve added a “Dad Mode” to my personality remote control. The needs of my family come first. To add to the equation my wife and I would like to plan on a sequel to our daughter. Kids ain’t cheap. But by my calculations and with a substantial raise coming to me in September we’ll be in a perfect spot to afford another wee one with a little leftover for a rainy day. But the mid-life crisis lingers on.

My wife was never big on the idea of me getting a new car, especially one as impractical as a Camaro. I think I may have brought up the issue at the wrong time, which is really ANY time when it comes to talking about something as frivolous as a new car. But I also failed to mention I’d be keeping my current car, a 2004 Honda Accord, perfect family sedan. Her concern, rightfully so, is that using money from my main income would mean less for the practical things like, oh say, the mortgage?? Plus it’d be nice to put some away.

So the way I see it if I don’t use any of my regular income to pay for a new car I can purchase said new car. I think something that wasn’t factored into the equation is that my line of work allows me to do additional jobs that provide me a smaller separate income. Two four-hour shifts out of each month should more than cover the payments. And that’s not including my artistic income. As far as I see it it’s win win. I don’t take money from my main income, I buy my Camaro using my separate income, I keep my wife happy and satisfy my mid-life crisis all at the same time.

Now I just have to convince myself that it’s OK for me to buy something so impractical. Something tells me it won’t be a problem when it looks like this:

OK, I’ll be the first to admit that I’m a slave to some trends, especially if they involve electronic gadgetry. I have all the “i” toys. Got the iPhone, the iPod, the iMac and now the iPad. But am I really a slave or nothing more than a smart shopper?

Be honest. How many times have you brought your PC in to be wiped out cuz it got infected with that damn spyware or some other nasty, hard to get rid of virus? I’ve been a PC user for my whole life pretty much. As you can see from my website I’m pretty heavy into the graphics. For the longest time I had people asking me why I didn’t have a Mac as they were known as the top dog as far as computers go when it comes to graphics and design. I suppose the answer to that was that despite the seemingly endless problems I’d run into as a PC user I was familiar with the system and deemed myself to old to start over again on an whole new and unfamiliar platform such as Mac. ↓ Read the rest of this entry…